Before I begin this post, I want to thank everyone for their support as I go into my surgery tomorrow. Chris and I are so fortunate to have our community of family and friends, and we don’t take that for granted.
This past Tuesday I had my bimonthly MRI scan. I usually get a bit anxious before these scans, what is colloquially referred to as scanxiety. Earlier in my journey, that anxiety would start a few days to a week before the scan. Now with some coping mechanisms it is usually the night before or at least the day of when I start to notice it, which usually manifests as a lack of concentration and increased fatigue. Earlier this week I felt it a bit more than usual. This was in part the fact that my surgery was a week away (tomorrow), but it was also due to a very exciting thing in Chris and my life.
About nine months ago, Chris and I started our journey to foster to adopt. Early on in our relationship we discussed that if we wanted kids, this would likely be the route we wanted to take. After visits with our social worker, home visits, the 10-week Massachusetts Approach to Partnership and Parenting (MAPP) course, and a questionnaire that ended up being 20-pages of writing, we became licensed foster parents in the beginning of March.
Usually this is when the matching process would begin where the social workers for each kid whose goal is adoption would look at our family profile to see if we are the best match for them. However, due to the surgery, we have put the matching on pause until after my three month recovery.
Chris and I have a future awaiting us where we can welcome kids into our home. This is something that we have both always wanted, but for me I didn’t know whether it would be on the table. Chris helped me believe that I could actually become a parent and offer our kids so much love (and my medical team agreed). So while a bad scan wouldn’t mean we couldn’t move forward, it would cause some obstacles. That is why I felt increased anxiety going into this scan.
Now the good news! My scan was stable if not very slightly decreased!
This is a scan for one of the spots. The far right is the oldest scan when I first started this new treatment, and each scan going left is newer. You can see on the far left how it is barely visible. My nurse practitioner said that it could have been missed unless you knew where to look.
This is still so surreal. Again, I have never had a treatment do this. The best I have gotten previously was stability. Usually when I received good news from a scan, I would wait for the other shoe to drop. Chris has taught me to lean into the good. So, that is what I am going to do. Once my heart is fixed tomorrow and I recover, I’m leaning in to embrace our wedding and the future family Chris and I will have.
With love,
Jeremy
Jeremy's Journey 
Jeremy, thank you for keeping me involved as an observer of your journey. Jeremy, thank you for keeping me involved as a observer of your journey. At this moment, my prayer for your doctors skill and your ineffable strength as you go into and recover from surgery are with you. Your path is not an easy one, but you ability to maintain hope, to concentrate on good things in life, like foster parenthood and friendship are models for all of us. I hope that we can connect directly when you recover surgery.
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